Divorce Coaching

While our office offers coaching in most conflicts, we are most often called for assistance in divorce and separation issues. The end of any relationship can be confusing, stressful and exhausting. All your normal patterns and routines are interrupted. You're in pain and uncertainty and you want relief right away. Often you think you want somebody else to take charge and take care of you. You want somebody else to negotiate for you, to tell you how to behave, to handle the court action, and to tell you where to show up and where to sign. One of our colleagues describes this as "microwave lawyering"--you put the problem in the lawyer's hands along with some time and money and it gets taken care of, cooked. There are plenty of lawyers out there who will take on this role for you. They'll tell you what your life should look like after divorce and either create a settlement based on those ideas or they take your case to the court to find out what the judge thinks. Often, they mean well and believe that they're doing the best for you. But if you're like most people, you'd prefer to be in control of your own future. You know more about your family and your situation than any lawyer or judge can learn in a few hours of information-gathering.  Coaching helps you do sort out all the issues and to see what help you really need and what would serve you and the others involved in the dispute. A coach will help you get your footing back so that you can make your own decisions.

Divorce coaching also is useful in assisting people cope with having to make major changes as the result of a divorce (i.e., lifestyle, financial, family and social orientations). It helps people become grounded by normalizing the strain of divorce and providing useful feedback during difficult times. It also gives people a safe place to vent their frustrations, anger and sadness with a professional divorce coach skilled to manage a wide variety of issues that arise during the divorcing process.

In addition, a coach can help you communicate with your spouse in more constructive ways. Sometimes the emotional issues are far too powerful for effective legal intervention. A divorce coach can show you ways to de-escalate the conflict and help you determine if it is necessary to go forward with a court action and when it makes more sense to pursue resolution later.

In the long run, clients find using a divorce coach to be a very cost effective service overall. This is because divorce coaches are better trained to address the emotional side of divorce than lawyers and the hourly rate is lower than most legal fees. By assisting clients to overcome some of the emotional hurdles encountered during divorce negotiations, clients are able to move through the process with fewer disputes that result in escalating legal fees.

Our divorce coaches are not lawyers but they work closely with our lawyers. The divorce coach DOES NOT provide legal advice. (The exceptions to the rule are the lawyers who have training in divorce coaching and can wear both hats.)

Some issues you might want to discuss with a divorce coach include:

• supporting your child during a time of change and adaptation

• de-escalating high conflict divorces

• learning how to reconstruct emotional boundaries when interacting with your ex

• coping with your own frustration, anger and grief

• finding a balance between the divorce process and getting on with life

• planning for your future after the divorce

• recover from your ex's affair

• prepare for a custody evaluation

• achieve closure in your relationship
   

Divorce Coaching is a growing niche in both the legal and therapy professions.

 

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Healers of Conflicts Law & Conflict Resolution Center
Mail to: P.O. Box 306, Asheville, North Carolina 28802 * Telephone: 828-253-3355 
jkimwright@healersofconflicts.com